SOM 2 Poker in the Front...Liquor Everywhere

Every sport has them. They're what makes us watch, cheer, brag and curse. ESPN wouldn't know what to do without them. It's what makes the sporting world go round.

Great rivalries.

Yankees/Sox, Bears/Packers, Celtics/Lakers, Duke/UNC.

With them you have storylines. You have rabid fan bases that spend millions of dollars to be a part of a club, a nation, a team. Without them you have meaningless matchups. Who wants to watch the a Bucks/Timberwolves game?

Up to this point in Summer of Man we've had all the typical sporting storylines. The Underdog vs. The Favorite. The Darkhorse (we literally have nicknames because of this). The Upset (Bing losing bowling last year). The Cinderella (zVirus making a deep run in the pool tournament that nobody saw coming). But the one vital storyline that was missing from an otherwise perfect competition was The Hated Rivalry.

Although you may be able to make the case that Jantz or Pete could be considered hated each time they battled anyone, a specific concrete head to head hatred between two competitors never arose.

Until now.

SOM 2 was a Texas Hold 'Em Tourney replete with dark shades, cocktails galore and a short skirted wench to serve them. The tournament also featured a bit of controversy but we'll get to that soon enough.

The night began innocently. Jantz was **gasp** late and so by the time he arrived the bottled of Jameson had already been put to bed. The metaphorical chip leader Couls showed up 13 shots (so says he) deep and by the end of the competition had relinquished his first place status after holding it for all of three days. Jeff took the unfavorable position of being bounced out first and had to shuffle cards until we let him slink out the back door to go make questionable moral decisions in PB. Our cocktail waitress finally arrived (blacked) and Jameson turned to Jack turned to Jerry. All in all a terrible metamorphosis. Jantz was next on the killing floor, followed by Sean. It was here that emotions began to run hot.

Getting bounced out of a competition will piss a person off. Add to the mix that the person doing the bouncing isn't technically in the competition and simply being pissed off revs up to outright f@#ing angry real quickly. In the beginning of the competition Timbo (the owner of the makeshift casino we staged SOM 2 in) wanted in. We are competitive but we are gentlemen and who is going to deny a man the right to play poker in his own house. No big deal right? Maybe he gets a couple good hands but really how much was he going to affect the outcome of the game? We were naive.

Who bounced Jeff? You guessed it....the celebrity contestant, Timbo.

Who bounced Couls? Yep. Jantz next? Uhuh.

And down the list we go. Every single time somebody was pushed out, on the wrong end of a bad beat, bounced from the game, the person doing the beating was Timbo. Irony doesn't capture it but comes close.

So one can imagine why the rage level in the room went from yellow to red in a flash. From what I'm told (Caz, the fellow who takes over for me when I've decided to check in early, was in control at this point) Bing was going all Hulk slamming chips down, Sean was yelling at us to stop yelling and Johnson was yelling about Sean yelling about us yelling. Alot of yelling going on. What happened was unclear but things were said and what resulted was Sean calling Johnson to the front yard to throw some fists around. When Johnson took the bait a heated rivalry was born and thus our competition feels a bit more complete. A fight did not follow, but I can only imagine there is no love lost between the two. The only thing that I'm upset about is neither one of these turds have a cool nickname so calling it Sean vs. Johnson sounds real fucking lame. But I couldn't be happier that a full fledged Rivalry has emerged. ESPN cue up the tape. I'm gathering footage of Sean and Johnson staring angrily at each other and dubbing over sound bytes of Sean mocking Johnson's hair and Johnson calling Sean a gay. We can only hope that one of them bites off the other's ear and threatens to eat each other's unborn children and I can die a happy man.

THE OFFICIAL RESULTS

1st place Johnson

2nd place Zach

3rd place Bing

4th place Pete

5th place Sean

6th place Couls

7th place Jantz

8th place Jeff

SOM 1 Golf

We couldn't have asked for a better day to kick off Summer of Man 2011. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, Bingaman's new shoes were gleaming. By looking at us, with our creased slacks and sharp polos, you would never have guessed our average round by the end of the day would be a cool 100. The favorite going into the first competition was Couls, but unlike last year when the favored challenger choked until the 8th week, he stepped up and delivered.

Bing, the reigning champ, struggled on the front nine shooting a 61, but regrouped nicely to post a 52, good enough for a 5th place finish. Couls was not the only rookie to do well in his man challenge debut. Jeff shot a 109, good enough for a third place finish. Sean and Johnson, the other neophytes, didn't fair as well. Sean faded in the back 9, posting a 64, and finished last among the men competing. Johnson notched the first SOM no show and was rewarded with a big fat zero. Pete and Jantz were the most consistent golfers, both shooting one worse on the back than on the front (49/50 and 55/56). By far Bing and zVirus were the most inconsistent on the day (Bing inking a 9 stroke swing...Zach a whopping 15 strokes between a front 52 and a back 67).

In the end, the day played out pretty much the way the experts predicted. Coming up on Tuesday...SOM 2 Poker.

By the Numbers:

Kris......Front....44....Back....51.....Round 95

Pete......Front...49.....Back....50.....Round 99

Jeff.......Front...52.....Back.....57....Round 109

Jantz....Front...55.....Back....56....Round 111

Bing.....Front...61.....Back....52.....Round 113

Zach....Front....52....Back....67.....Round 119

Sean...Front....56....Back....64.....Round 120

Best Rounds

Front.........Back

Kris 44......Pete 50

Pete 49......Kris 51

Jeff 52........Bing 52

Zach 52......Jantz 56

Jantz 55.....Jeff 57

Sean 56......Sean 64

Bing 61.......Zach 67

Kris 6 pars 6 bogies

Pete 1 birdie 1 par 9 bogies

Zach 2 pars 2 bogies

Jantz 1 par 6 bogies

Bing 1 par 4 bogies

Jeff 0 pars 9 bogies

Sean 0 pars 4 bogies

Worst shots of the day....Jantz 11 on hole 12; zVirus 14 on the 18th; Pete 10 on the 13th; Couls 10 on the 18th

Details for SOM 2

SOM 2 Tomorrow night at Sean's house...I know it isn't as great as Club Grand but he does have a table that can accommodate all 9 of us.

20$ buy in...no rebuys...first person out deals the remainder of the game.

Bring a bottle and mixer or beer and cash to tip your cocktail waitress. Don't be a Jantz...we all know what that means.

Winner take all and last place has to wear the "Supergay" yellow bracelet.

Word on the street sounds like 8:30 start showing up and greasing wheels, talking shit, etc and once Jantz breezes in with his two Newcastles we can get started.

First Favorite

ESPN.com just reported....Kouls is the favorite to win SOM 1. We all know what this means from last year....the favorite curse is back in action. A favorite didn't win a competition until Bing won Mini Golf in SOM 8 last year. Watch out Kouls...it's just as serious as the SI Cover Curse.
In other news Sean Bayhorse looks to be butt naked last coming out of the first challenge. Ladies and Gentlemen, the first darkhorse candidate

SOM is Here!!!!

"SOM is heayah! SOM is heayah!" (sung in the tanned hair sprayed accent of Pauly D). On the eve of the SOM 2011 I can't tell you how excited I am. And as I am wont to do I can't help myself but to make a couple of predictions.

Earlier this month a text message sent out to the man competitors ruffled some feathers. The Kid--Jeff Taka--was labeled as a second place finisher and many a man took offense to that. Sean was placed atop Couls and the reigning champ was pushed to third. It's safe to say that my phone was a abuzz. Was this text meant to start the mind games? Possibly. Were they accurate of what the commish's office sees as the real standings come August? Possibly not.

With SOM kicking off tomorrow, I felt that tonight would be the perfect time to unveil the commish's office official predictions for 2011. In honor of March Madness, instead of just listing the man competitors from 1st to 8th, I've decided to pair them with the college team that most suits them. And like Todd McShay's mock draft or Matthew Berry's fantasy draft advice, this list is pretty much entirely useless. But it's fun for me and I can't what to hear Pete bitch when I compare him to Louisville--alot of talk of being good. but in the end nothing that actually backs it up.

THE RANKINGS

#8 Johnson/UCSB...new to the competition and a relative unknown, Johnson finds heartache in his first year of SOM. Plus when I think of University of Santa Barbara (the Gouchos) for some reason I think of a bunch of dirty hippies smoking dope talking about their term paper on climate change and going green and this reminds me of Johnson who with his long locks is the dirtiest hippiest of all of us. Unfortunately Johnson's schedule and lack of success leads him to numerous no shows in the final months of the challenge and the only reason Pete beats him is that Pete will actually win some of the challenges before he starts his no showing.

#7 Pete/Louisville...so much promise and then BANG Moorehead State. I imagine Sean as Moorehead State in this analogy because that makes me smile, but in actuality what takes Pete down is the fact that unlike Tony the Tiger, he is not great and will end up eventually not answering his phone one morning while the rest of us try to get a hold of him letting him know his is missing yet another man challenge. When he talks shit after doing well in the next couple of weeks just think of what the talking heads were saying about Louisville before they got bent over by M State.

#6 Jeff/Michigan State....on paper the Spartans looked good. Kalin Lucas seemed great. Tom Izzo is an outstanding coach. Alot of people had them penciled in to make a deep run and then first round they get bounced by UCLA. Jeff is the youngest of all man challengers, extremely athletic and seemingly ultra competitive. But I don't see him breaking the top 5. Maybe he struggles with the non sports themed events like the cookoff or skeet shooting. It is possible that he can't hold his liquor like the rest of us (He does have Asian in him afterall). Whatever the reason Jeff struggles in his first year of SOM and can only hope to rebuild and return.

#5 Sean/VCU....young and wildly enthusiastic about finally being given a chance to shine. He wins his play in game against other competitors that maybe wanted to join by whining louder and longer than any of them. After being let in he plays like his balls will be nailed to the wall if he loses which vaults him over maybe more talented teams but lacking his drive. He beats Pete, Johnson and Jeff solely because he doesn't miss an event all summer. He quite possibly gets fired because his job is getting in the way of the man challenge. This would not surprise me by coming true. Unfortunately he is VCU and his talent will only take him so far. It was a great run while it lasted.

#4 Couls/San Diego St....new to the tournament (or never having a win, which I'm counting as the same thing) Couls makes a statement by going on a run deep in his first year of action. He's well rounded, being able to golf, run and drink, and this is what propels him into the top 5. Couls is actually my wildcard. Like SDSU nobody really knows just how good he could be. State ran into Kemba and went down. Who will be Coul's Kimba?

#3 Bing/Duke....the reigning champ. But what happens to the champ? He gets everybody's best shot. He gets everybody's Home Depot Game of the Week. ESPN Game Day is camped out on his lawn each and every Saturday and come Monday it's always Monday Night Football. It takes a legendary entity to sustain greatness. Bulls, Steelers, Lakers, Patriots, Celtics, Sampras, Niners, 90's Braves, Federer....all dynasties. Is the Binghorse?

#2 Jantz/Duke but if Duke didn't win last year but choked to Butler....Jantz would love for me to compare him to Kansas. Kansas is great, always near or at the top much like (as much as I hate to say it) Jantz. But unlike Jantz most people don't hate KU. You either love KU or you don't really care. Which is why Jantz is Duke. Or the Yankees. Or the Lakers. Or whatever team you love to hate. Jantz has the braggadocio of a Steinbrenner-esque owner and the similar hatred of his peers. When Jantz wins the world is a gloomier place. Don't tell me that the Yankees buying another World Series feels good or that Jantz winning yet another fantasy football league in Vegas is awesome because it's not. It's foul which is why Jantz is Duke but only in the alternate reality where Gordon Heyward's last second half court shot goes in and it's Butler instead of Duke defending it's title. The reality of course is that Jantz threw up an air ball last year and let 8 girls beat him in the Century Club and slid from second to third overall in the very last man challenge of the summer.

#1 Zach/Butler....come on. Scrappy. Lovable. Winning despite the odds. It's easy to see this comparison. And just like Butler this year, I will stand atop the pile at the end and look down on all you worthy opponents and congratulate myself on being completely awesome.

See you tomorrow gentlemen.

Calendar of Events

So far we've set up the first half of SOM 2011. If you find yourself with these days off come by and be a part of some manly competition. Ladies we're also taking applications for cocktails waitresses for our Poker Tourney...I had to fire our previous ones given the fact that the girlfriends hate them with a fiery passion. Must enjoy short shorts and pasties.

March 26th Golf...Riverwalk 9 AM

March 29th Poker...Baihorse's house

April 5 Bowling...East Tavern Bowling Lanes

April 9 Punt Pass Kick and Soccer....OB Rec Fields

April 12 Arcade Night....Dave and Busters

April 26 Mini Golf, Pool and Darts....Del Mar, Society and The Fox

May 3 Push Pull and Sit Up Comp....Mission Bay Park

May 7 Frisbee Golf....Morley Field

May 10 Beer Olympics....Club Grand

May 17 Go Karts....Mira Mesa Kart Track

May 22 Track Day....Point Loma Nazarene University

June 5 San Diego Half Marathon

My Favorite Time of Year

It seems like yesterday that Sir Matthew Bingaman was taking his 100th shot of beer and dancing on a table at Sean's house to the musical stylings of Simba ("I just can't wait to be King") after winning the first ever Summer of Man Challenge. But yet here we are on the precipice of another great adventure.

Summer of Man 2011 promises to be everything that 2010 was, but more. The field of competitors has grown from six to eight and the list of events has become even more ridiculous. I realize it sounds hard to top a party involving a car push followed by a hotdog eating contest, but we did it. This year will feature all the favorites from last year ranging from the Beer Golf contest (or as I like to call it...The Greatest Round of Golf I've Ever Been Apart Of) to the ever popular Bar Golf (a new course is in development). In addition to the standard basketball, football, baseball challenges we've added a Casino Night, Archery, Skeet Shooting, Gun Range Fun and a HALF MARATHON! And of course no Man Challenge would be complete without an eating challenge. This year we will be sitting down to a pile of hot wings to compete in Bub's Dive Bar's very own All-U-Can-Eat Wing Eating Competition. We're also tweaking our cooking competition this year and instead of chili we will be offering up the perfect burger.

Last year was great, but it was only the beginning. SOM 2011 is typically American, striving to be bigger, better and more outrageous than ever. If you're reading this then you happen to be one of the lucky ones that had the pleasure to take part in last year's festivities. I urge you to follow along as another chapter in the SOM saga is laid down.