SOM Half Marathon

Famous last words.

"Frankly my dear I don't give a damn." Clark Gable as Rhett Butler

"Et Tu Brute" Julius Ceasar

"One last drink, please." Jack Daniels

"The horror, the horror." Marlon Brando as Col. Kurtz

Oh and add another to the list...."Hey guys lets do a half marathon for the man challenge."

At this point we know two men who can't be attributed to the last quote and six that could.

It seemed like such a good idea at the time--and in actuality it was. SOM is a diverse, multifarious endeavor. It's challenges range from conventional (golf) to asinine (beer chug). Physically non threatening (Cook Off) to exhausting (Push Up Pull Up Sit Up). SOM covers all the bases. Or at least attempts to. But up to this point in the summer, and even in the history of SOM, a challenge as difficult as running a half marathon had yet to be undertaken. 13 miles is no joke. But when the idea of adding one to the man docket many of the men had no idea what they were getting themselves into. Or so it seemed one week prior to the running of the first Summer of Man Half Marathon (or what is commonly referred to outside of our group as the San Diego Rock and Roll Marathon).

With big points on the line and first place up in the air, five of the seven remaining men competing this year threw in the towel days before the race. Was it coincidence that the manliest of competitions thus far had elicited such a response from a group of "man" challengers or was it something more. Could it be that the man challenge isn't manly enough? Sure golf takes superior hand to eye coordination and skill acquired by hours and hours of practice. But can it really be called hard? Tom Watson is 108 years old and the last time I checked he was still climbing the leader board at the Greenbrier Classic. Pop A Shot, Skee Ball, Air Hockey while all being classic games can't really be called manly either. Poker is played by fat slobs and uber dorky 20 year olds from the Ukraine (see: Katchalov, Eugene and Timoshenko, Yevgeniy). Frisbee Golf was no doubt invented by a stoner that thought real golf was too strenuous! PUPUSU (Push Up competition) was by far and away the hardest challenge we've done physically up to this point.

The Half Marathon challenge would blow that out of the water. For most people running five miles is a tough obstacle to overcome. 13 just seems crazy. The average adult male who works out, is fairly fit and isn't grossly overweight could probably go out and run 13 miles without much of training regime leading up to it. This is not recommended, but is quite possible. He wouldn't do well. To run at a competitive level demands training though. Putting in the work at the gym, logging the miles on the road and toughening the mind for what it takes to convince one's body to keep going when all it wants to do is quit is paramount to completing a half marathon in respectable time. And by this I mean anyone can go out and jog for three hours and finish 13 miles, but it takes a lot more than that to actually run 13 miles.

Now should we call names? Would that be fair? Run up a list of those who did and those who didn't compete on June 5th 2011? Mock one group, idolize the other? Make a show of those who bitched out and those who manned up? Hell Yes we should! And so with no further ado, those who bitched out:

1. Kris Couls...the number one man of the moment, suffering from a pulled hamstring, is the first to wave the white flag of bitchery and sells off his number. Did he have a good excuse? Of course, a pulled hammy hurts, but maybe this was just a symptom of whats to come. The second leg of SOM is full of strenuous events and Jantz may have put it best when shit talking to Couls...."it's called athletically conditioned and definitely part of the Man Challenge! It cost u in the two events so better right the ship for the 2nd leg." Will the lead that Couls built on dribbling soccer balls and bowling hold up when actual physically demanding challenges come along? After forfeiting his race bib, Jantz took over first place for the first time in 8 weeks so you be the judge...

2. Bing Bingaman....reigning MOY, but has the mighty fallen? Four days before the race, Bing had trouble finishing a four mile run and convinced himself that it was better for him health wise to drop out. I for one agreed. I like the guy. I didn't want to see him stroke out at mile 8 going up the 163. Bing is the second half kid, as evidenced last year in his run to the crown. He mopped up in the final month and will always be the first MOY because of it. Can he do it again or will his deteriorated overall fitness hinder him in going back to back?

3. Sean Baird....a head scratcher to say the least. Sean actually had a chance at 2nd place but decided to drop out instead. He was actually the first to jump on the Couls train to vagland when Kris brought up the idea of playing golf (weird, a real tough sport) instead of competing in the half marathon. Maybe his vacation led to bitch out or the thought of running and losing to Jantz rather than just surrendering to him was too painful to contemplate or maybe he was just being a Stein but one way or the other he gave up points and only time will tell if that decision will come back on him in the end.

4. Johnson....out of town but that really didn't matter. If it wasn't the money thing it was the fitness thing. Johnson only runs for the border (and I'm referencing the taco b way not the illegal alien way). I would bet my right pinkie Four Rooms style that Pete would be more likely to actually finish a SOM than Johnson finish a half marathon. There is no way this kid doesn't die, come in last and injure himself for the rest of his life if he stays in town and competes so it was better this way.

5. Pete.....ha. so close to having all of us mock him for the rest of his days for losing to his highly trained and vastly fitter girlfriend. but really? was it ever a doubt Tony the Tiger would bail? Nope

And those who manned up:

Which leaves two.

Me. In need of 7 points so bad I'd probably run across a hypodermic AIDS needle infested field barefoot to win.

And Jantz. The one guy who had the MOY title in his grasp and let it slip away through a series of completely girly miscues (see: Push, Car and Club, Century). He is pushing himself and it paid off. After finishing second (or last as I like to call it) he wrestled the power of first place away from a faltering Couls. Is this the turning point? Will Couls continue his slow decline into uselessness, no longer able to just rest on his laurels? Can Bing muster the strength to get back into fighting shape? Will the commish resolve toc climb back into relevance or continue to toil in obscurity? Will Johnson win another event ever? Will Sean kick himself one day soon when he falls just short of greatness?

These are questions that will be answered in the next leg of the always intriguing Summer of Man...

The Half Marathon by the Numbers:

1st Zach 1:35:39 (7:18 pace per mile, a personal record, 314 out of 17,000 people and 41st in my division)

2nd Jantz 1:49:10 (8:20 pace, 1328 out of 17,000 people 189th in his division).

ps Jantz I beat you by more than 1,000 people

NO Shows Bing, Johnson, Couls, Sean and Pete

The second leg of SOM looks to be a bit harder with the Lifeguard Challenge, Arm Wrestling and a 26 mile bike ride coming up. We shall see who bitches out and who mans up.