SOM 9 Pull Up Bar 1. Johnson 0.

May in San Diego. Manly this means grey weather, graduation parties and too many tourists from AZ on spring break. For the Man Challenge it means conditioning.

Of the 50 or more events that we compete in, a third of them fall into one category. Fitness.

We compete in everything from cooking, to eating to drinking. From traditional sports (golf) to the not so traditional (Frisbee golf). You don't have to be in the greatest shape to go out and drive a go kart or shoot a shotgun or win at poker. But you do have to be if you want to win a half marathon or 100 yard dash or complete a pull up (I'm looking at you Johnson). Like every great man that has ever walked the earth, the SOM is multi faceted, well rounded and balanced. If all we competed in were challenges that tested strength, but not intellect; finesse but not brute power; sobriety but not tolerance than we would be cheating ourselves. SOM tests it all. And in May you'd better get your gym game tight because you may find yourself hanging around, looking up at a bar you're never going to get your chin over. With Push Up Pull Up Sit Up Challenge, SOM begins it's focus on physical conditioning.

The challenge is simple in concept, extremely difficult in practice. Put 10 minutes on the clock. A sit up is worth one point. A push up is worth two. A pull up is three. At the end of the 10 minutes, highest score wins. That's it. 10 minutes of pain.

Going into this challenge Couls has been leading the group for almost a month. I had been in butt naked last for almost as long. A strong showing was needed. Last year strategies were born. We were raw, learning as we went and after weeks of tinkering with different approaches, I found one that worked and a first place win resulted. Last year 343 points won it. But last year only three competitors were left by the time PPS hit the calendar. This year, the full field would be getting their hands dirty down in Mission Bay Park.

To be fair last year we were Nazi Germany. Our scores from last year were less by a large margin and this is due to a couple things. This year we were more like modern day Germany. More lax, not as rigid with the rules. Last year the half push up was illegal. This year it was Sean and Peter's bread and butter. Last year arms were crossed over the shoulders or behind the head and touched the knees on sit ups. This year not so much. Last year Bing (and maybe Jantz too) was in way better shape, which is why both of their numbers dipped. But overall the numbers this year do point to a loosening of the definition of what makes a push up a push up. Now I'm not saying Peter would not have won this year. He dominated, that is no doubt. But the guy's not getting over 500 if we're doing strict form. And I feel 100 percent confidant on calling that out. Not a single person that was there that day can knock my form. I'm all form. Sean....not so much. In the end, under Nazi Germany the standings probably still would have been the same, with Sean and Pete scoring lower. It doesn't change the fact that Jantz completely failed, Bing and Couls have spent more time dipping than doing dips at the gym and Johnson couldn't even DO ONE FRIGGIN PULL UP! Johnson seriously. There are certain intrinsic qualities that make a man a man. A penis the ability to complete a pull up basically top that list. I know you can't do one which makes me question the other.

Compared to last year when 343 won it (by zVirus), the trend stays alive of us ramping up the competition this year. Bing added 4 points and I added 51, but Jantz slipped 23 points from last year.

Results:

1st Pete.....159 push/31 pull/133 sit ups for a score of 544. The GWH finally gets his first win of SOM 2011, which has to hurt a bit given his first or worst start last year.

2nd Zach....122 push/18 pull/96 sit ups for 394. A much needed second place after finishing near the bottom in almost every challenge this summer.

3rd Sean....99 push/25 pull/98 sit ups for 371. Sean benefited greatly from going first given that we got a little more strict as the challenge went along. Still a nice performance from the rookie.

4th Bing....113 push/15 pull/68 sit ups for 339. Only a year removed from his battle to knock out 70 push ups in a row and the lack of gym time becomes apparent. The silver lining? He didn't lose to Couls, who may be really good at golf, bowling and air hockey, but has the shoulder, back and ankle of a 90 year old man.

5th Couls....102 push/18 pull/70 sit ups for 328. He keeps the bracelet but another poor performance is only allowing the crowd another opportunity to catch up.

6th Jantz....91 push/17 pull/75 sit ups for 308. He's so mad about his performance he hits the gym the next day for two hours and kills his arms as punishment for completing shitting the bed in a competition that he should have excelled in. Bad beat.

7th Johnson...10 push/1 pull/0 sit ups for 11. DNQ!!!! After not being able to do five push ups to qualify for the event, Johnson earns a 0, but even worse opens the door to endless years of heckling. Reminiscent of Jantz's 2010 car push debacle, only luckily for Johnson he only had 7 men deriding him for being weak instead of an entire party full of people watching him fail.