SOM 11 Shuffleboard: O' Canada thanks for shuffle

Shuffleboard is quite possibly the best game ever stolen from Canadians.

Up there in the great white north they call it curling for some idiotic reason that I don't care to even waste time on googling. Because down here the the ridiculously better and supremely dominant country known as the US of A we call it shuffleboard and because half of our country isn't frozen and the majority of us drink heavily, we play it inside in a bar.

Shuffleboard got it's start in the SOM as a mere part of the epic Arcade night. Like George Clooney, the Statue of Liberty and Johnson's roommates Beer Pyramid, we believe that it has the ability to stand firmly on it's own. 8 points for a game where one person slids a small disc down a sand covered table? Where a participant can in fact clutch an entire pitcher of beer in one hand, a dob in the lip and 4 shots of Fireball in the belly and still be successful? 8 points for this kind of game? You're damn right...this is America.

Technically we did not have a reigning man champ for the shuffleboard given it's inclusion as a part of arcade night last year, but the Klemhorse did end up winning, besting the self proclaimed best shuffleboard player, Bingaman. This year Bing slightly let off of his campaigning as the WBSBP, which was good for him. No one likes to hear Trump saying he's going to win the presidency if he runs...it's just ridiculous. Couls/Klemo and Sean/Jantz ended up pulling the play in game duty with Couls and Jantz earning the bye. I made quick work of three things in rapid progression: a pitcher of BL, a shot of Fireball and Bing, my nemesis on the S Table. Because of the rule of no one orders beers, you order pitchers I believe that Johnson beat Sean to move on to the second round. My domination continued, taking down Jantz almost as easily as I took down Mrs. Jantz one lovely evening (and I do mean almost, nothing was as easy as that night). Couls beat up on Johnson who was minutes away from a meltdown. In the loser's bracket Jantz clawed his way back. I took my talents to South Beach and Lebroned the shit out of Couls, not once, but twice after he beat Jantz in the loser's bracket to take one more run at--not only the self proclaimed, but now world renowned--best shuffleboard player, Zachary C. Klemo. I toasted his blue bracelet mocking me from his wrist with a shot of something the sexy little J was pouring from the bar and woke up the next morning pissed we had played darts.

Final Standings:

1st Klemhorse

2nd Steinhorse

3rd Jantzhorse

4th Baihorse

5th Binghorse

6th Johnson who doesn't get a sweet horse nicknamed because he acted like a whore and not a horse and bounced on us. We did end up giving him his three points after all was squashed and his iSAL wearing days continued.

DNP Pete

Darts

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bahahahaha

we played. Couls won. Sean pouted. Johnson Houdinied. Bing raged. Klemo blacked. Jantz was there?

that about covers it.

1st Couls

2nd Jantz

3rd Sean

4th Zach

5th Bing

DNP Johnson

DNP Pete

after this night...Johnson starts to challenge my iSAL record. Couls' first place looks strong.